SPAIN 5: Wander Lust

'Breathe deeply the land, incline your face often, closed-eyed, to the sun, and meet those around you with heart wide open.  As you do, life will rise up to meet you in ways more wonderful than could have been imagined.'  ~ Bradford Morgan

I think perhaps I have a problem. . . Maybe even a disease of sorts.  We love to put labels on everything, so I will name it WLD (Wonder Lust Disorder). Yes, I can't help myself.  It isn't my fault and I can't control it! It's a genetic predisposition. I know! I'll blame this on my up-bringing! Where's the therapist's couch? We all know that an ordinary cracker-jack box life isn't for me, but why can't I get enough? Can I not simply be content where I am for one moment? I pity the fool who dares try and tame me by offering a go at a traditional life.  Until I get some sort of help for my disorder I don't believe that I could sit still long enough.  I thrive on change, adventure, and new possibilities.  But where is the balance? 

For three days now the el viento (the wind) has been here. I'll tell you what! You haven't felt wind until you have experienced it howl through the village and threaten to tear your clothes straight off! I have been told of entire refrigerators being lifted off of the roof top terrace and thrown over! The locals actually go mad from it, and there is the highest rate of suicide here when it continues for weeks at a time.  Have you ever seen the movie Chocolat? There was a North wind that drove the woman from place to place. Perhaps it's el viento blowing me onto the next adventure?

The past few days I have had a song stuck in my head.  'It's a little town, a quite village. Every day like the one before. . .There goes the baker with his tray like always . . .' - Beauty & the Beast http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVovQfq7U0w  Even in Spain work can become repetitive, and your mind finds ways to wander.  I have to continually remind myself to enjoy every moment.  I don't know if it is an American 'rat-race' mentality, the early bird gets the worm, or work hard now and play later phrases that are ingrained in us at an early age, but it is difficult for me to settle.  I haven't had a siesta in 3 days! I know - poor me! But that is unheard of here. 

Perhaps it's the disdain for Americans that I experience on a regular basis that has taken away the 'honey-moon period' for me.  There are a dozen ex-pats here that we gather with on a regular basis, and honestly, it is getting a bit old to constantly hear how stupid we Americans are.  Guilty by association and until proven innocent I suppose.  It is strange that I find resistance from the people who I expected to be the most 'like me'.  Maybe it is the repetitiveness of the daily routine: walk the dog, get the bread, set out breakfast, tea time, study, lunch, siesta, yoga, salsa, dinner.  Maybe it is my disease, or the wind. Whatever the reason for my discontentment; I don't like entertaining the feeling.  I am in Spain for crying out loud! Why has the enchantment already been lost?

I believe that we can loose that being 'in-love' feeling for ourselves, partners, passions, everything in our lives far too easily.  I believe it is a combination of choice, and naivety; maybe even passive laziness.  We choose to let our passion and zeal for life slide to the side without even putting up a fight.  We put it on the back burner when life gets too busy, or difficult.  I am coming to realize how necessary my own happiness, a healthy lust for life, along with passion for those we love is required to live a fulfilling life.  Yes, back home it isn't new or exciting, there isn't anything there to help keep the flames of life alive. Is that really a good enough excuse to just let it die out? What if this is the only chance at life we get; our one chance to do everything we want in this world? I don't want complacency to rob me of my zeal.  I tell you that it is a sickness; a disease of the human nature to take for granted this gift.  The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence, and you can't run from your own misgivings forever.  They will hunt you down, find you, and slowly drain out every last drop of hope.  When you were a child you had dreams, they sparked hope for your future.  Dare to have child like faith, throw off the 'maturity' of disappointment that has cloaked you with wisdom, and remember how good it feels to be in-love.  I am here to tell you that even in Spain, so far away from responsibility, and the stresses of daily life - the lack luster of life still finds you.  You can use whatever excuse you would like, but even without any excuses it will happen.  So, take it from me - get rid of every logical reason, hurt, disappointment, and regard your life scars with admiration rather than bitter resentment.  I have had my share of pain and deep cuts, and now when I look at the calloused bandages on my heart I see the hope that carried me through to where I am now.  Hope gives promise that things will get better.  One of the great things about life is that is continues on constantly changing, and who knows what el viento will bring your way! I now allow the battle wounds on my soul to remind me of the struggle that brought me to this victory!

So, here's my plan: I'm gong to fall-in love with life on a daily basis.  I will no longer sit idly by, and allow myself to be ruined by complacency. The past few day I have changed the song in my head - to yet another Disney song, 'So this is love, hum, hum, hum, hum. . . . so this is love. . . so this is the miracle that I've been waiting for. My heart has wings. . . hum, hum, hum, hum. . . .' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EHebyjn_NA Simply by changing the song in my head, it has blown sparks back into my heart, added a lightness in my step, and has renewed the smile within. It's quite the mental game this life - isn't it? I hereby challenge you to choose to fight for your life, love those around you deeply and without reservation, and let child-like wonder color your day.  I declare that it is no longer to be said that you deserve a day off because you have earned it by working a thousand hours! You deserve it because you love yourself, and your life.  Take note the logic behind putting the oxygen mask over your own mouth, before your child's. There is something to be learned from this simple, and yet vital, act.

My goal tomorrow is to breathe Spain in deeply, close my eyes to the thoughts of discontentment, turn my face to the warmth of the sun, and welcome life in with an open heart.  Who knows where el viento will take me in the future? But for now, I choose to live this moment without lusting after more.